I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
