I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize