you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize