Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize