the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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