I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
