Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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