I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize