everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
