I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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