He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
