So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
