so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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