i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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