Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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