I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
