Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
