i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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