My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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