i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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