I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
