Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
