So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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