apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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