Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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