i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
