I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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