escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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