drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
