Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
