This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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