So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize