From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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