I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
