btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
