and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
