I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
