I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
