Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
