Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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