someone threw a dead crab at me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
