I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
