So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
