She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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