She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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