Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What a fucking waste of an outfit
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
