I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize