It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So vagazzling was a success
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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