I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
