I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
