i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
