I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
