There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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