why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
