a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it hurts more in the daytime
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My life is pants optional.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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