I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
