There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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