i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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