Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
