I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
