I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
