Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
