Already got asked if we're dating
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
