fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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