Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize