yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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