You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
